I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
