just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
