I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
