i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
