I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize