I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
