I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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