i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
