dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
