cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
