the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
