A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
