And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
