I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
