I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
