I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
