I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
