It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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