Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Randomize
