The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize