I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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