sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
