he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
