so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dignity is for republicans.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
