you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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