I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
