I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
