Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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