highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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