billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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