So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
