so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
