chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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