apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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