I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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