Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it glows. i had to have it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
