She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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