I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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