just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
