If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
