I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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