bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
