I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
