I just made out with a guy for $7.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
