tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
