you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
