He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just tell him i said nine months
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
