After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Mom said you looked used
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
