My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
