Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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