Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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