oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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