I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
