I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
