I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize