dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you have feelings for this penis?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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