Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
