it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize