I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
