I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
