I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
