please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
