we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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