Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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