Small penises have feelings too.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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