Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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