New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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