We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
