I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
