Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think my tv is drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
