my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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