I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i dont even know how to be here
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
