Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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